"We go through life, we shed our skins, we become ourselves." Patti Smith.
As I get older and go through my life I have become one thing, and then another and then another, never really fully changing at the core but growing, learning and shaping who it is that I want to be and contribute to this world as a person, a creator, a student, and a teacher. I listen and internalize, I succeed, and I fail. A lot. I have been existing in what I like to categorize as an "on again off again, existential life crisis". Constantly I find my self asking a series of questions that I am sure are not foreign to any of the other 20 somethings in my generation. Who am I? What am I doing? How do I fully access all of the things I have to offer to this world? How do I make money doing the things that I love? What is holding me back? Why do I never seem to complete anything I begin? Where do I belong? Who are my people?
I come across the same struggles of money, job searching, job finding, job loosing, emotional turmoil, finding love, loosing love, stagnation and creative influx. How do I balance out, will I balance out? Is this sense of harmony, balance and peace really something that is attainable, achievable or even really desired?
I have been a dancer, a photographer, a yoga instructor, an interviewer, interviewed, a writer, a bar back, a hostess, a lover, loved, a heart breaker, a broken heart, this list goes on. I am all of these things and will continue to be, but my real question, or quest rather, is how do I do all of these things and it be a part of a successful trajectory. I would suppose that that is considered and Artist. I am an artist of the 21st century, navigating technology, money, competition, judgement, critique, praise, "likes", on and on. It all comes down to the same thing I come to every time I process these questions and emotions. Am I ready to let go? Shed my skins, expose my self, muscle and bone. Stand naked in front of who ever is willing to take a minute of their time to look. I see that I will be bound to these circles that I run for eternity if I do not do what is the scariest things I can think to do and that is set my self out in the open to be seen. So here I am, there it is, the next step of the process. How? What? Where? When? All of these things. I am searching. In search of the manifestation of my own destiny. It is wild, vulnerable and imaginative and an absolute reality.